History Always Repeats Itself
by drewvansexy
Summary: It's been almost 2 and 1/2 years since the four girls all graduated Rosewood High. Aria, about to start her Junior year at University of Cailfornia, Los Angeles, feels like she's finally let go of her past. Everything she left behind in Rosewood: -A, Ezra, and all of the bad memories were now forgotten. This was her year to start over... or it was supposed to be.
1. Chapter 1

History Always Repeats Itself

Chapter 1

Spencer and I have been talking a lot lately, more than I have with Emily and Hanna… I guess Spencer and I just have more of a connection in that way. She still asks about how I'm doing with Ezra, and I always tell her that I'm fine. Everything is fine, I'm ok, and I'm completely over what happened two years ago. Somehow maybe I figured the girl going to UPenn was smart enough to figure out that nothing I said was true, but maybe I'm just a really good liar, something all four of us have had far too much practice in. The truth is, I really don't know how I'm dealing with the whole Ezra situation, a relationship that seemed so true and honest was just one big lie. I haven't even spoken to Hanna since the four of us last got together; I guess I'm still not over what she said to me when I first found out about Ezra. I suppose it wasn't too terrible, but it definitely caught me off guard. When your best friend calls you an attention-seeking slut who sleeps around with her teachers _and _her enemies… well that can put some strain on a friendship, even one as good as ours.

It was a few days after graduation when I went over to Ezra's to tell him that I had finally been accepted to UCLA, the college in his favorite city. Originally I had been wait listed and I was planning on attending Hollis to be near him, but apparently a few people rejected and I was high enough on the list. I knocked on the door but I was too excited to wait, and when I didn't hear a reply I just opened it myself. Despite how excited I was, I never did get the chance to tell him. That day, as it turns out, would be stuck in my brain forever; the day I saw the black hoodie, the same black hoodie that had been terrorizing me and the people who I love for years. At first I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't what it looked like, there are a lot of people who own black jackets right? It was the black gloves he had wrapped around his hands that finally told me the truth. He just sort of stood there, staring at me from across his apartment, and I was paralyzed. It was all a blur after that, maybe the only memories I have are what I saw through the tears in my eyes, but all I knew then was that I had lost the love of my life. The one person I trusted more than anyone had been fooling me since day one. He probably never even loved me, it was just some sick game to him. He was just as cruel as Mona, no, he was worse. He stepped closer to me but I screamed at him to stop. He was trying to explain something, but all I could think about was the giant hole that had been punched through my chest. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't speak… I was completely frozen. When I could finally feel my legs I turned to the door and it was as if everything was slow motion. I slammed the door and started running down the hall and I could still hear him yelling after me. I left the next morning for California early and I never spoke to him, or saw him, again. Part of me wishes that I had let him speak, maybe then I would have gotten answers to the millions of questions I still have, but that was years ago, and I need to forget. As soon as I boarded the plane I knew that I would never be going back.

It had been awhile since the four of us had been together like this, it felt good just to spend time with them. At least I was already going back to visit my family because traveling from California to Pennsylvania for one lunch didn't sound like a lot of fun. But being together like this, it felt like old times, only this time we all felt safe. It wasn't the Rosewood Grill, but the food was decent. For old times sake Emily and Hanna got some cheese fries to split,

"So, have you signed up for your major yet, Spence?" Emily asked.

"Please, she's had her schedule picked out since she was a toddler…" Hanna said, "What about you, Aria?"

"English."

"English?" Emily said, "Isn't that a bit…"

"Useless?" I said, "Yeah, but only for someone who wants to actually do something with their life."

"Aria, you're going to eat those words once you become a best-selling author," Spencer said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"You better write about us!" Emily said, "Our lives make one hell of a story…"

Spencer turned to me and smiled, "You got that right."

"Oh god, please someone take these away from me," Hanna said, pushing the fry basket out in front of her, "I mean who would have thought we would find a place with better cheese fries than the Grill."

We spent the next hour talking and catching up. I forgot what it felt like to laugh this much.

"Alright guys, now that Emily and Hanna are done stuffing their faces, come on. I have some classes I need to get to." Spencer said.

"Wait seriously? We just sat down… Emily? Aria?" Hanna said.

I put down my soda and started to stand, "Sorry Hanna, I have to uhh… go too."

Emily grabbed her jacket, "I should probably get going too. My mom wants to see me again before I head back to Danby."

"Yeah I need to make sure I catch my flight, not everyone here goes to Hollis, Hanna," Spencer said, laughing.

Hanna frowned and got out of her seat, "Fine. Leave it to Spencer to take classes while we're still on break…"

We all left the restaurant laughing and went our separate ways, back to our own lives. It was sad that I wouldn't be seeing them for a while now, but to be honest, being with them brought back some pretty terrible memories. Things that I had vowed to never revisit or think about again. But Emily did bring up a good point… Would I ever write about what happened? It is a pretty great story, but the only question was if I would be able to complete it without going completely insane. Who knows, maybe in two years I'll finally be able to think about it without wanting to cry. I walked towards my car fishing the keys out of my purse, but I began to feel someone behind me, following me. I started speeding up, walking faster and faster but I kept hearing the footsteps getting closer. Suddenly somebody grabbed my arm and pulled me back,

"Aria, wait!"

I turned around to see Hanna, almost out of breath, "Hanna what the hell, you scared me half to death!" I said.

"I know, I know. Sorry, I forget that we're all still a little on edge," she said, releasing my arm.

"Hanna, it's fine. Don't worry. What did you need?" I asked.

"Aria, look. I know it's been tough for all of us, but nobody here would doubt for a second that no matter how hard it was for us, it was much worse for you."

"Hanna, I-"

"No let me finish," she said. "I know that we aren't as close as we used to be. We only see each other like this, all together. We don't talk as much anymore, and yeah maybe it's because of the distance, but we both know that it's not. I was a bitch, Aria. I was upset and angry and I took it out on you. I wasn't there for you when you heard about Ezra, I mean really all I did was rub it in your face. I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I understand that you don't want to be close anymore I get that. I just, I wanted you to know that I'm sorry, Aria... I'm just sorry."

"Look, I know everything with Mona was a little… crazy."

"A little?" she said.

"Okay, a lot," I said. "I understand why you were upset, and I guess I underestimated how unstable I was then. It was hard on all of us, and I don't want you to feel bad anymore. I was being selfish trying to put most of the pain on me, but it's ok Hanna, I forgive you." I reached my arms out for a hug and instead Hanna practically jumped me,

"Good because I missed you and I was so mad for what I did and I just really wanted to talk to you again like we used to and I thought you'd never forgive me and that we weren't going to be friends again and I'd lost you forever and I-"

"Hanna!" I said, cutting her off. As much as I loved her that girl knew how to talk... and talk… _and talk_.

"I know, it's just... I'm really happy we're friends again… like, real friends. I love you Aria."

"I love you too, Hanna… I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay… but are you sure we're alright?"

"Hanna I've held a grudge for far too long, I promise that we're okay," I said. "Just like old times, alright?"

"Just like old times… I'll be holding you to that."

"I gotta go Han, don't want to miss my flight."

"You guys and your far away colleges... please call me sometime when you get home okay? Promise?"

I nodded.

"Alright, bye Aria!"

I watched as Hanna half-skipped half-ran down the street, it felt good to finally clear things up. It wasn't right for me to hold onto something that happened nearly three years ago. And I had to admit, I was more than happy that Hanna and I were on speaking terms again, it felt wrong not to talk to her. I guess I just felt that after what she said I didn't want to talk to her about anything, but times have changed and so have I. I had promised myself that I wouldn't let any of those things from the past drag me down, and starting this year I felt like maybe that was actually happening. This is my year to really start over, no distractions. This is my chance to have a normal life.

I nearly missed my flight, but at least I made it. I have the first classes of the year starting tomorrow and I couldn't miss those. It was about a five-hour flight but I slept for most of it, and for the rest I just watched whatever crappy movie they had playing... I can't remember what it was though, I wasn't really paying much attention. The plane landed in LAX at around 6:30 and I turned my phone on to see that I had three missed calls, two from Tony and one from Sam. Tony, my current boyfriend, was probably asking about the back to school party tonight, and Sam was probably just wondering when I would be getting back to campus.

Sam has been my roommate since freshman year. At first she comes off a little scary, kind of like Spencer, but once you get to know her she's one of the funniest and sweetest people you'll ever meet. We've been close ever since the first year, but I still haven't told her about anything back in Rosewood. I didn't want anyone to know what I had gone through, and I still don't. I don't want anyone treating me differently or thinking things about me because of my past, I just want them to get to know me, which is why Tony doesn't know either.

Tony and I have been together since the beginning of third quarter Sophomore year. Not a very long time but it's been fun, and it's done a good job of keeping my mind off of things, something I need right now. I can't say I love him, although I don't think I even know what that feels like anymore. My emotions got thrown off completely due to the whole Ezra situation. It was so real with him... well I guess it _wasn't _real, but it felt like it was. That was the most I've ever cared for someone, and I don't think I can ever feel that way again.

I waited for my bag and texted Tony that I wasn't planning on going tonight, I was too exhausted to even think about a party, and I called Sam telling her that I had landed safely and was going to stop to get food on my way back so I might be a little late. As carefree and wild as Sam was, she worried about her friends _a lot_. It's just her nature I suppose, you know, some people are just born to care. I'm grateful for it too, it makes me feel a lot safer knowing that there's someone always looking out for me.

It was 7:15 when I finally was in my car leaving the airport. I was lucky to be hitting the road after rush hour, what is usually a 30 minute drive can take an hour or more in that kind of traffic... The joys of living in the city. I was starving, considering I hadn't eaten for six hours, so I pulled into the nearest shopping mall to grab some food. I was craving Chinese so I settled on Panda Express. I guess you can't really call Panda Express "Chinese", but I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as one to care about that sort of thing. Food is food. I walked out of the restaurant and the smell of the orange chicken was making my stomach growl. I was debating grabbing a chair and just eating it there when I looked through the window of the coffee shop across the street. _No... I'm dreaming, I must be. _I rubbed my eyes over and over again trying to clear the image out of my head but it wouldn't go away. Suddenly he turned and began looking outside. I prayed that he wouldn't see me and that it would be too dark to see anything. _This can't be happening. Not here, not now. _His eyes roamed for a while, but then it was unmistakable, his eyes quickly darted away and then slowly returned. He saw me. His jaw opened the slightest bit and his eyes stayed locked on mine...

_Ezra. __  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I felt frozen. I stayed there on the edge of the street, watching as he stood and made his way towards the door. Every part of me wanted to collapse. My heart was pounding, my head was aching and it wasnt until he walked out of the door and started to open his mouth that I was able to take control of my feet. I didn't hesitate; I just took off half-walking, half-running to my car. I couldn't tell if he was following me but I didn't dare to look back. I fumbled around in my purse for my keys just praying that he wasnt anywhere near me and jumped into my car.

It took me about 20 minutes to realize I was driving in the wrong direction, but I didn't care, I actually enjoyed the longer trip because it gave me more time to think. _What is he even doing here?_ I mean I know that when I graduated he was offered a job to work at Rosewood High again, and I also know that he accepted it thanks to my father, but why was Ezra here in Los Angeles? I never even told him I was going to school here... It had been an extremely last minute decision and I never got the chance to tell him after... well the point is I never told him. So if his reason for coming isnt me, then what? And if it is me, it's been almost 3 years since the last 'A' message, why would he show up now? My head was racing with too many questions that I didn't have the answers to, and I had already made up my mind, no matter what happens this year, I'm starting over.

I pulled into the parking lot outside my dorm and glanced at my phone, 10 o'clock already, I guess I had spent way more time driving then I'd thought. I made my way through the hallway trying to avoid all of the people running in the opposite direction. I was wondering what everyone was doing going out on a Sunday, and then I remembered the party, and that not everyone chose to take a 9 am class. Lucky me...

I stumbled into my dorm room and fell onto my bed, "Hey Sam."

"What took you so long?" she said.

"I took a wrong turn and didn't notice. Have you seen Tony anywhere?"

"Yeah. He and Blake went to go meet up with the rest of the guys at the Back to School Party tonight. He told me he called you."

"Yeah he did, I told him I wasn't going though. Why aren't you there?" I asked.

"Wasn't really feeling it." she replied, shutting her computer and joining me on my bed.

"You weren't feeling it? Since when do you turn down a party?" I asked and rolled over to make more room.

"Someone had to make sure you weren't dead or something."

I felt bad that my stupid problems from high school were keeping her from having a social life, "Hey, I'm sorry. You know that next time you can just go."

"Aria it's fine, really, I don't mind."

We talked for a little longer and then finally she got off of my bed and climbed into her own, "Goodnight."

I reached for the lamp to turn it off, "Goodnight Sam."

That night I didn't sleep much. It was like my mind couldn't turn off and the thoughts just kept coming. I kept tossing and turning until I heard Sam groan and sit up,

"Aria what the hell are you doing its 2:30 in the morning... We have our first day of classes tomorrow," she said.

_2:30?_ So much for skipping the party,

"Sorry Sam, I just can't sleep... Time difference maybe."

"Time difference? It's 5:30 in Philly right now, shouldn't you be more tired..." she replied, mumbling every word.

"Whatever I just can't sleep, okay?"

She laid back down and rolled onto her stomach, "Well either figure it out or go keep the mice outside awake instead of me."

I knew it was going to be awhile before I would finally be able to quiet my brain so I left and rested in the main hall for what must have been hours. I laid there, alone with my thoughts, thinking about everything that had just happened. The next thing I knew I was waking up with my body nearly falling off of the couch and Sam shaking me,

"Dude..."

I sighed and shifted my weight back onto the couch, still facing down.

"Aria... Come on we have class in less than 15 minutes."

I sat up immediately, "Shit... Are you serious?" She nodded, "Uhh can you just go and save me a seat?" I said, already running to our dorm.

"Yeah sure, I wanna get a good look at this professor anyways, I hear he's really hot."

"Yeah, where have I heard that before..." I said quietly.

"What?" she replied.

"Sorry, nothing... Just go, I'll be there soon"

"Okay, hurry!"

It was taking me longer than I thought it would to get ready, since today everything just felt as if it was moving in slow-motion. When I finally was done getting ready I only had about 2 minutes until my class officially began, and it was at least a 5 minute walk from my dorm. I just hoped that Sam had saved me a seat close to the door.

What was meant to be a 5 minute walk turned into 10. _What is happening to me?_ I just couldn't focus on anything and I hoped my favorite class would be able to grab my attention and pull me back into reality. Everyone I knew back in Rosewood figured I would have dropped the subject after what happened, but I guess Ezra was right about one thing, literature really was my passion. The joy I felt in writing was almost great enough to cancel out the memories of senior year... But I wasn't supposed to be thinking about senior year anymore, and I wasn't supposed to be thinking about him anymore. This wasnt supposed to happen, not this year. I finally got to my class and to my dissapointment it was one of the smaller lecture halls. Great... I looked for Sam through the door and found her in the second row, she looked at me and waved her hand for me to enter. I pulled the door open and before I even stepped into the room I heard his voice,

"Late on the first day of class, Miss-"

_No... This is my mind playing tricks on me, this isn't real, this isn't even possible._ I finally walked in but I kept my head down; I didn't want to look. I made my way to the seat next to Sam practically shaking and I somehow managed to keep my head down. I figured that he was searching for my name on whatever class list he had with him and when he finally found it I could feel something dropping deep in my chest.

"Montgomery..."

I finally gave in and looked up, meeting with his eyes, and I could feel a lump the size of a tennis ball already forming in my throat. If I didn't say something now I don't think I'd be able to hold off the tears. Our eyes didn't move and I could barely breathe, but somehow I was able to speak. I flashed back to myself in this exact moment, start of Junior year sitting in the English classroom uttering that same exact word, "Sorry..." I said, finally breaking his stare.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was completely silent and I could just feel all the awkward stares from around the room centering their attention on me. Finally after what felt like forever, he cleared his throat, bringing the class's attention back to him,

"Yes well, as I was saying, I am Professor Fitz and this year our studies will include-"

I was already feeling faint and my mind would not stop flashing back to my junior year at Rosewood High. The room felt like it was spinning and I was sure that my heart had already jumped out of my chest. Sam grabbed my arm and tried to get my attention,

"Aria, are you ok? You don't look so good..."

"Huh?"

"I _said__,_ you aren't looking so good, is everything ok? Did Professor Fitz, like, run over your dog or something?"

"What? No why would you ask me that..." I said, turning so that I could see her.

"Uh maybe because you two were awkwardly staring at each other for, like, ever. Do you know him?" she said.

"No, I mean kind of, he was just my high school English teacher..."

"Oh what did you like fail his class or something? Did he give you a hard time?" she threw her head back smiling, trying not to laugh as she mocked me.

"I guess you could say that..." I said and turned back to face the front of the hall. I was done talking about this, and I think Sam understood because she immediately stopped smiling.

_My high school English teacher... _It stung more than it should have to refer to Ezra like that, and it was basically a giant slap in the face to that first year we had together. I remember it so clearly, which I find strange since I've spent the last two and a half years trying to forget. I can remember sitting next to him as his stage manager (I admit, not the smartest idea on my part), and the day we talked about our future, or I guess we talked about if we were even going to have one.

* * *

_"The whole point of college is to broaden your world, not pack up your high school English teacher and bring him with you," Ezra said._

_I tilted my head, I almost couldn't believe what I had just heard, "You are not just my high school English teacher. Is that how you see yourself?"_

_He backed away from me, avoiding my eyes, "No. But you will, when the time comes," he said._

* * *

I remember opening my mouth to speak, but I just couldn't find the words. I searched his eyes for some sort of sign, something that would tell me he wasn't serious, but I knew that he was. I thought that he was crazy to think I would ever see him like that, but here we are, almost three years later and that's exactly what he is to me, my high school English teacher. Funny how these things work, isn't it?

I finally brought myself back from my little trip down memory lane just as Mr. Fitz- I'm sorry, _Professor _Fitz, was finishing up the syllabus for the year. _For the year. _It just hit me that I would be sitting in this class every other day for the next year being taught by the one person I wanted to stay away from most. I probably could try to switch out into another class, but were there even any other classes for this major available? And if there were, would they be full? _No. _I thought to myself. I wasn't going to let one person destroy the plans I had for my future. He had already destroyed my life in high school and there is no way I was going to let him ruin college for me too. This was supposed to be my year to forget, and if he wanted to show up and try and take that from me, I wasn't going to let him. I have new friends, a new boyfriend, and a new life. Nothing was going to change that, not even Ezra Fitz.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The rest of class went by agonizingly slow, but eventually the clock read 11 and it was over. The room was filled with 'thank you' and 'see you later, Professor Fitz' but I kept my mouth shut and my field of vision towards the door, wanting more than anything to be out of that class.

Sam was pushing me from behind, "Aria, could you walk _any_ slower?"

"There are like 20 people in front of me."

"So?" she said, still pushing me.

"Sam, I think Blake can wait ten seconds before he sees you."

"Aria, it's our _anniversary_."

"Yeah okay..."

"You wouldn't understand."

"What's that supposed to mean? Tony and I are fine..."

The crowd finally cleared and I could see Blake waiting outside. He waved to Sam and she smiled back at him,

"Oh please... That boy worships the ground you walk on. Tony is perfect, Aria. I don't understand why you aren't head over heels for him. It's like there's something in the way of your emotions that's stopping you from caring-"

"Miss Montgomery? Can I see you for a moment?"

I stopped and looked around, trying to find someplace to hide, but Sam and I were the last two students in the room. I turned around, and so did Sam. There it was again, the frozen feeling. I wasn't very fond of feeling like I couldn't breathe but that seemed to be happening a lot lately.

"Umm..." I was trying to find something to say but I had nothing. Hey, there's another thing I've been feeling too much of these past few days... speechlessness.

"It will only take a minute, Ari- ...Miss Montgomery."

"I should really be going..." I said and started walking again.

"Please, it's important."

I sighed and reversed my steps, "Yeah sure, I guess," I looked to Sam, "I'll see you back at the dorm."

"Okay, catch you later," she started walking out the door and then quickly turned and whispered in my ear, "You lucky girl..." she pulled away, winked, and ran out to meet Blake before I could say anything.

"Aria..." he said as soon as the door closed behind Sam. Ezra was looking at me, stepping closer but still keeping a safe distance between us.

"Ezra," I was in no mood to play games, "What do you want from me?"

"Aria it's not like that..."

"Why are you here?! What the hell could you want with me now?"

"Aria, I didn't even know you would be here... You said you were wait-listed..."

"Yeah but you see, sometimes people get off of the wait-list. I was on my way to tell you, but that conversation didn't exactly happen, did it?"

"Let me explain, I-"

"Explain what, Ezra? What could you possibly tell me that would make any difference?"

"Aria, please... Hear me out. I know I don't deserve it, but please. I'm sorry for what happened, I'm so-"

"No! You can't just say that you're sorry and make everything okay again. I'm not the pathetic, desperate victim that I was in high school. Nothing will ever change what you did. You betrayed me. You lied to me for two years... I don't think I can ever forgive you, Ezra."

"But that's not true, Aria. It was all real, everything we had."

"And I'm supposed to believe you?"

"I was trying to protect you!"

"I would use a different word. Maybe try, terrorize."

"No you're not listening to me-"

"Oh so you want me to listen? What so you can just lie to me some more?" I was more than done with him and I stormed towards the door, "I'm not as stupid as I used to be, Ezra."

"I was blackmailed!" Ezra shouted just as my hand reached out for the handle. I pulled it back and he stepped closer, "They threatened me... They told me if I didn't join them..."

I spun around to face him, "What. What did they tell you?"

"They said that they would hurt you, Aria."

"Hurt me? I'm pretty sure that's what they had been doing for the past two years of my life."

"No, you don't understand. It's more than that. What happened on halloween... It was a warning."

"A warning for what?"

"Aria you almost died! You almost got tossed out of a moving train because of me," Ezra took a few steps closer, "What was I supposed to do? I wasn't going to sit there and get you killed. They gave me choice, and it was either I join the team, or I lose you. Forever."

"Well, you lost me anyways."

"At least you're not dead!"

"How can I know you're telling the truth. How can I ever trust you?"

"Aria, please. I'm begging you. You have to believe me. I would never do anything to try and hurt you... I love you."

"Don't."

He was only a few feet away from me now, and I was trapped against the door. "I love you, I have always loved you," He said, continuing to move forward until there was barely a foot of space between us, "I looked for you, Aria. After what happened I tried to reach you but you were long gone by then. You never gave me a chance to explain, but I'm telling you now. Please, you need to believe me."

"I-I don't know what to believe," I adjusted the backpack on my shoulder, "But I have to go meet up with someone. Tony, my boyfriend."

"Well-"

"Don't, okay? He's actually really nice, and smart, and athletic, and outgoing, and-"

"Aria... You don't need to explain yourself," _This was junior year all over again_, "You're entitled to be with whoever you want to. I just want you to be happy. That's what matters most to me, you know that," He paused for a moment and then looked over to his desk, "Then I guess I'll see you in class?"

"Yeah..." I opened the door and slipped out, pulling it shut behind me. "Yeah," I said to myself, "See you in class..."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I leaned against the wall, unable to focus on anything but the one question burning inside my head. _Was he telling the truth?_ I wanted to believe him. I wanted to run into his arms and embrace him like I had years before, but there was still a part of me that couldn't trust him. Whether I believed him or not, it still wouldn't change anything. I started a new life here, and somewhere else he did the same. I was with Tony now and Ezra was with someone too, he had to be. He's charming, handsome, and could get any girl he ever wanted, but I wished for him to be single. I didn't want to imagine him moving on in the way I never could. The only thing I could do was convince myself that he was lying. Ezra never cared about me, he never loved me, and he only wanted to hurt me. That was the only truth I needed.

I looked up to see Tony jogging towards me, "Aria? Hey, I thought we were supposed to meet up after your class?" he said, catching his breath.

"Huh? Oh... Yeah, sorry I was late so I had to stay after. You know, catch up on what I missed," I said nervously.

"Alright... You okay?"

"Yeah of course why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno," he raised his eyebrows, "You seem kinda out of it."

"No, I'm fine," I assured him. I was far from fine.

"You hungry? Blake said he wanted to meet for lunch, if that's cool with you."

"Yeah, starving. I didn't get a chance to eat this morning." I said as he took the bag from my shoulder.

His lips brushed against my forehead, "Come on."

I wrapped my arm around his as we began walking towards the cafe.

"We missed you at the party last night," he said.

"Yeah? How was it?" I asked, trying my best to sound like I was genuinely interested.

"It was fun..." Tony glanced down, meeting my eyes, "Would have been better if you were there."

"Yeah..." I lowered my head and stared at the ground, kicking the pebble in front of me.

I felt awful. I was ignoring Tony, not like he did anything wrong, but because I couldn't let go of what Ezra had said. It didn't take long for him to realize that I wasn't in a talking mood. After the third one-word answer he gave up and we walked in silence. I hated myself for not loving him the way I love, I mean the way I _loved_, Ezra. Tony could read me better than anyone. He knew exactly what I was feeling and he knew how to make it better. This time there wasn't a joke, kiss, or hug that would make this go away, and I hated Ezra for that. I fucking hated him.

Let this go down on the list of the longest meals I've ever had, or what seemed like it. The rest of the table was talking while I sat quietly, listening to the various conversations around me and thinking about Ezra. Anytime I made an effort to pay attention I had no idea what anyone was talking about. Thoughts of Ezra were swarming my mind and with every memory I could feel my throat starting to close. _This is pathetic_, I thought to myself. I was having an anxiety attack over a guy I met in high school. This was by far my lowest point. I had achieved rock bottom... Congratulations Aria, well done.

"Aria?" Sam shook my shoulder.

"What?" I replied, in a far more hostile tone than I had intended.

"Are you okay?" she looked concerned, more than usual.

"Yes, I'm fine! Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

"Maybe because you've been spacing out for the past 15 minutes," Blake joked.

_It's only been fifteen minutes?!_ "Not helping. And nothing's wrong, I just remembered that I need to go call my parents about something." I started to get up, realizing now that I had forgotten my phone in Ezra's classroom. "Shit..." I whispered as I tried shaking my foot out from underneath the table.

"Aria is everything okay..." Tony stood up and helped me release my foot. I glared at him and he quickly changed his question, "I mean with your parents?"

_Nice save._ "Yeah, they just want to talk about my next visit home."

Tony nodded and tipped my chin up with his index finger, "Okay, call me tonight?"

I gave him a smile as he pressed his lips against mine, "I love you," he said.

I was taken back, not because I'd never heard him say it before, but because this was possibly the worst time in the world for that, "I love you," I repeated, praying that it sounded sincere.

"Aria, you almost forgot this," Blake handed me my phone.

"Thank god, I thought I'd lost it," I brushed the hair away from my face and let out a sigh of relief, "Okay well, I'm gonna go now, bye."

I walked away from them as fast as I could. I needed to get some air, and more importantly, I needed to stop thinking about stupid Ezra Fitz. Let this also be on the list of the most stressful lunches I've ever had, right next to the one Ezra and I had with my mother. _Dammit._

I finally reached my room and called the one person who might actually have an answer for me.

*Hey, you've reached Spencer Hastings. I'm busy right now so leave a message.*

"Fuck..." I whispered, hanging up and tossing my phone onto the bed.

I sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breathe before grabbing my pillow, screaming into it as the tears started rolling off of my cheeks. I tried Spencer three more times before I eventually gave up. She was probably in class anyways. I stared outside the window before I finally decided to call Hanna.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Hanna. It's Aria."

"Aria?" she sounded dissatisfied.

"Oh, are you busy? I can call another time..."

"No, no. Its just... I wasn't expecting you to hear from you. I was afraid you weren't going to call."

"Hey, I promised. Didn't I?"

"Yeah, and I'm so happy you did. You are not going to believe what just happened..."

"Wait, Hanna," I blurted out before she could say anymore, "Me first."

"But," she paused for a moment then let out a sigh, "Fine..."

"I took my first English class of the year this morning," I stopped for a moment, composing myself before I continued, "Ezra Fitz is the professor."

She stayed silent, a horrible sign when you're talking to _Hanna Marin_, the most talkative person in existence.

"Hanna? Hanna, say something!"

I could hear the sound of parting lips and eventually Hanna managed to create words, "I'm, I'm so sorry... Aria, I can't even imagine. I mean, oh my god. _Oh my god!_"

"It's okay, Hanna. Really, I'm okay."

"Aria, you have to switch out. He's _dangerous. _We didn't go through all of that -A bullshit in high school only to have a round two in college."

"Hanna..."

"What? I'm serious!"

"I know you are. It's just that, when he talked to me he s-"

"You talked to him?! Aria, what the fuck were you thinking?"

"Will you calm down for a minute?" I waited for her to interupt but she remained quiet, "Thank you. After class he pulled me aside and said... he said that he never got a chance to explain what was really going on."

"What is there to explain? I can't believe this sh-"

"Hanna!"

"Sorry, okay. Continue."

I finished telling her what happened and at first the only word she could get out was "wow".

"I know... What do you think?" I asked carefully.

"What do I think? I think it makes sense."

"So you're saying I should just forgive him?" It surprised me how angry I was. Especially after what she said to me before, I couldn't believe she would tell me to forget about it.

"No, Aria, that's not what I'm saying at all. I guess I'm saying that you should at least consider it. Anyways, I'm awful at this sort of thing, what did Spencer say?"

"I haven't exactly told Spencer yet."

"You mean you called me first?"

"Yup," I decided that telling her Spencer wouldn't answer her phone was a detail better left alone.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can help you."

"It's okay, just tell me what you would do in my situation."

"Honestly," she hesitated, "I would believe him. Knowing what you guys had, Aria, there's no way someone could fake their way through that. Even the best actor in the world, even Johnny Depp, couldn't do it."

I let out a light laugh, wondering if Hanna was right.

"Look, do what you want. If it were me, I would give him a chance to fully explain," she said, quite matter-of-factly.

I sat for a minute, letting what she said sink in, "Thank you, Hanna. I gotta go, okay? I love you."

"Love you, too. Good luck," she said, "Please, just be careful."

There was a click and once again I was alone. I repeated the conversation back in my head, _"There's no way someone could fake their way through that". _I took a deep breathe and looked down at my phone. After all these years the phone number was still in my muscle memory. My thumb traced the pattern and hovered over the call button. I pushed down and raised the phone to my ear, secretly hoping that he had changed his number. The ringing stopped and I could hear someone clearing their throat on the other side of the line,

"Hello? Who is this?" he said, his voice soft and inviting.

There was a long period of silence before I managed to breathe out his name, "Ezra..."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Aria?"

Hearing him say my name was enough to make the room start spinning. I felt sick, "Fuck... I'm-I'm sorry this was a mistake."

"No, wait. Please, just let me... let me tell you everything. I need to tell you everything."

I could barely breathe, let alone talk, and making the slightest sound took effort, "Okay," I whispered, so softly that even I had trouble hearing it.

"I can't do this over the phone. I need to see you, Aria. Can we go somewhere? Please, I just," his voice dropped as if he were going to cry, "Aria..."

I knew after everything I'd been through that being alone with him was a terrible idea, if not the worst, but if Hanna was right then I needed to give him the chance, "Where?" My voice, slightly less timid, was still barely audible.

He sounded relieved, "Can you meet me outside class?"

The door started to open and Sam peeked her head in, "Sure," I said quickly, hanging up as she made her way in.

"That your folks?" she asked, picking up a magazine off the desk and flopping onto her bed.

"Yeah," I threw a sweatshirt over my head and slipped my phone into the back pocket of my shorts, "I'll be back in a few hours."

Her eyes stayed on whatever she was reading, "Hey what was up with you at lunch today? You've been acting weird all morning."

I reached for the door, "I'm just tired."

"Going to see Tony?" she said, lifting her head up.

"Uh huh," I said as I walked out.

I soon regretted the lie, knowing that somehow it would come back to haunt me. They always did.

I turned the corner of the building and saw him with his back leaning against the wall. His foot was propped up as he checked his phone, occasionally glancing up to see if I had arrived. He was wearing what seemed to be the same ragged pair of jeans that he owned in Rosewood, accompanied by a deep red t-shirt that, judging by the condition, must have been old as well. His hair was still styled from this morning's class, and he had the slightest hint of stubble around his chin. I stood there watching him, rethinking whether or not to go through with this, but before I could make up my mind he lifted his head and smiled. I considered running away, not very classy but at least I wouldn't have to talk to him, but Hanna's voice was pushing me to walk towards him. I prepared myself for whatever awful breathtaking experience that was about to follow and walked forward as he placed his phone inside his bag. The messenger bag sat on his shoulder, the strap held on by duct tape and safety pins, and the majority of the leather so faded that you'd think the bag came in a color like that. I found it hard to believe that he wouldn't just throw the damn thing out, a lot of his things out actually, but that was one of the things I loved about him. Ezra never gave up on anything, no matter how broken and beyond repair, he always tried to fix it. As he lowered his foot from the wall his sneaker left a small black scuff mark, at least those were new. He greeted me with his signature smile, the kind of smile that makes you feel like everything will be okay, and without thinking, I smiled back.

"Aria," he said, with the same soft tone I had heard over the phone.

I waited for the lump to form in my throat or for my head to start spinning, but nothing happened, "Hi."

Everything about this was strange. Since seeing him in the coffee shop, even the slightest thought about Ezra would make me nauseous. Was I supposed to believe that after one conversation on the phone I could feel completely fine around him? Being with him felt so natural, like nothing bad had ever happened between us. If someone looked our way they would see two life-long friends, not a heartbroken girl and the man who tore her apart.

Ezra cleared his throat, "So, uh, do you wanna walk?"

I nodded my head and started walking, Ezra matching my pace beside me.

"Thank you... For meeting me," he said.

"Yeah..."

He let out a nervous laugh, "I just wanted to explain everything..." he said, pausing for a moment, as if waiting for me to chime in. When I didn't he continued, "Everything started the day after Caleb was shot in the lighthouse. You came over to my apartment that night and when you left the next morning that's when I got the text. I wasn't stupid, Aria. Before that morning, I knew that you weren't really over with -A and I wanted to help you. I knew something was happening again when I saw you at Jenna's party so I started to investigate. I quit the editing job I had just gotten and took whatever money I had to look into what was going on. The night of the lighthouse I had just picked up on a new lead. I guess I had gotten too close for -A's comfort and the text I received that morning told me that I had two options. I either had to stop looking and join the team, or you would get hurt. I was an idiot and the thought of being a part of something that caused you and your friends so much pain sickened me. I declined, not understanding the consequences, and on Halloween they held up their end of the offer. You almost died, Aria. After the train incident they gave me the same deal, and I accepted. If someone hadn't backed off of their assignment that night you would be gone. You would be dead and it would be all my fault. I had no choice..." his eyes were starting to water and I could hear his voice growing softer as he spoke.

I waited for him to continue but he never did. We walked together in silence as I tried to process the information. My head was filled with battling thoughts. The impulsive part of me wanted to reach over and grab his hand, to tell him that it was okay and I forgave him. That was always my problem, I forgave too easily. The other part of me was fighting so hard to make sure I wasn't hurt by him ever again. I knew that I believed him because with every word he spoke, forgiveness waved through my body. My heart ripped in half as I tried to make the angry and betrayed feelings win. The bench placed twenty feet in front of me caught my attention as I sat down placing my hands over my face. My head was throbbing, but when it finally stopped I realized that hurt had replaced forgiveness. I remembered the days I spent locked in my room, crying for hours, constantly seeing the sight of his black hoodie flashing through my teary eyes. I remembered the times wishing I was dead, just so I didn't have to feel the heartbreak. I remembered closing myself off from the world and everyone I love. I remembered why I had vowed to never trust anyone again. I looked up to see that he had taken the seat beside me and turned to face him, confident that the words about to come out of my mouth were going to tell him to fuck off. "Ezra," I said, looking into his eyes, the same beautiful green eyes that I fell in love with, "I believe you."

We stared at each other in disbelief, both shocked at the words that escaped my mouth. "Fuck!" I whispered, slamming my face back into my hands. _What the hell was that? _

"Aria. You don't have to say that if it's not true. I-"

I lifted my head up, "But it is true, Ezra! That's the fucking problem here! Don't you get that? I believe you and I forgive you but it's all too damn easy! After all the shit I went through I can't just be okay with this! I should hate you right now but I don't! I should- I should fucking hate you..." I tried to choke back my tears but they came anyway. Ezra started to speak and immediately recoiled, unsure of what to say. I met his eyes and I could see they were turning red, "Why? Why didn't you tell me after it was all over?" I asked.

"I didn't want you to ever find out. Some of the things I did..." he trailed off and glued his eyes to the ground.

My heart rate had slowed down quite a bit and I felt myself relax, "What exactly did you do for them?"

His eyes stayed down, "I, uh..." he said quietly.

"Ezra, please. Tell me."

He let out a deep breath, "The car. The one that ran into Emily's home."

"Is that it?"

He shook his head, "I was the one who got information. I spied on people."

"People like me..."

Shame rushed over his face as he nodded, "Yeah."

I could sense there was something he wasn't telling me as he rubbed the palms of his hands together, "What else?" I asked, determined to get an answer.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ezra, what aren't you telling me?"

It took him a long time to finally speak up, but nothing could prepare me for when he did, "The fire."

My eyes widened as I realized what he was saying, "You mean, you- you started the fire?" I asked, hoping that it wasn't true. He didn't say anything, he just placed his head between his knees, "The fire that almost killed us? The fire that happened the same night your brother almost died?" I silently cursed myself for bringing up such a harsh subject.

"They were sick of me holding out information on you. They told me to set the fire or you would get hurt again. I didn't think- I didn't know anyone was inside," his voice cracked as memories of that night flooded his eyes, "When I heard the first scream I ran towards the house, but I was stopped when I received a text message. It was from -A. It said that my brother was being held in a warehouse a few miles away, and I had another choice to make. I could save my brother or I could save you," I looked at him with understanding. Wesley was still alive, one of the girls must have dragged me out. His eyes lit up with panic as he realized where my mind was taking me. "No, no, Aria. You don't understand... -A was caught before they could do anything to my brother. I didn't go to the warehouse, Aria. I chose you." he explained.

It took everything in me not to break down. _Me over his own brother? _I mean, I knew they didn't exactly get along, considering they hadn't talked to each other in ten years, but to chose someone you've known for only a few years over one you've known your whole life? It was either insanity or the most undying and pure love anyone could ever have. Or both. Ezra saved me knowing that it would cost his brother's life. I closed my eyes and let my memories take over.

* * *

_"Fuck! I can't see anything!" Hanna screamed, the sound floating through the smoke._

_"Me either. We need to get out of here. Now," Spencer was trying to keep her cool but her voice was unable to hide her panic._

_I slipped my nose under my shirt, attempting to inhale as little fumes as possible as we rummaged our way through the hallway, the fire slowly breaking down the door behind us. I looked back and a dark figure emerged from the smoke, "Em? Emily is that you?" I asked, stepping closer to get a better look. Before I knew it something struck me and everything went dark. _

_I woke up to the sound of someone pounding on the door. I coughed hysterically as it came crashing down before me, the flames lighting up the room. _

_Someone was standing at the doorway, "Aria?!" I heard them call out. Their hand wrapped around my back, the other one around my knees, as they lifted me off of the floor and carried me outside. "Aria?! Aria, can you say something? Anything?" he said, lying me down on the grass. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't figure out where I'd heard it before. _

_"Spencer? Hanna? Emily?" I let out between coughs._

_"All safe. They were out before you."_

_"Who-Who are you?" _

_"ARIA!" Spencer shouted. __I turned my head and squinted, seeing her running towards me. When I turned back, the mysterious man who saved me had disappeared._

* * *

"Oh god, Ezra, I'm so sorry," I said.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, "I'm not. You're here today. And you're **_alive_**. You don't have anything to be sorry for. I should have said something. I should have told you myself. I should have explained it all to you then."

I wanted to ask him about his brother. I wanted to know how he could have chosen me, and if he regretted it. His hands reached out to grab mine as he answered my question, "I didn't regret anything, Aria. You are the love of my life. I would do anything for you."

My phone went off, interrupting our moment, and we both jumped at the sound.

**Hey, where are you? -Sam**

The screen read 6:30 pm, "Shit..."

"Is that your boyfriend?" he said, sounding disappointed.

"No, my roommate. I said I would be back hours ago, I gotta go," I said, now thinking about Tony and what I was going to do about him.

"Aria, listen. I get that you've moved on. It's okay, I understand. I just want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy then that's what I want for you."

I leaned in, brushing my lips against his forehead before turning and walking away. When I was a safe distance away I turned back. His right elbow was propped up on his knee and his hand was placed against his forehead. He appeared to be laughing at something, but when I looked a little bit closer I realized that he wasn't laughing. He was crying.


End file.
